Stripped to the Nub

Yesterday I was out with my husband and 6 year old daughter.  We were leisurely doing Saturday errands and generally enjoying the afternoon  and just being together.  The weather has been odd for this area - we even had an extremely light dusting of snow on the foothills.  This is strange weather for California!  It was a mix of menacing clouds and brilliant sun - very brisk and fresh .  I kept looking around expecting any moment to see a rainbow. 

One of our errands took us to a friends house.  The front part of their property has a vineyard.  My husband called our daughter"s attention to it and began to comment how the vines had been stripped to the nub to prepare them for Spring.  The sentence and image stuck with me.  (I took a quick picture on my phone.) 

Right now, the vines look brown, dead and rather unremarkable.  You can see the piles of prunings in regular intervals alongside the paths inbetween.  Looking at the vines, it is hard to believe very shortly, new leaves will sprout as the vines prepare to bear fruit.  Before long, we will come to this same spot and instead of brown, barren twigs there will be an abundance of lush, green leaves. There will be so much growth so the green will mostly obscure the earth.  I know this because I stood in this same place last Spring and saw it with my own eyes.  Knowing it will happen again is not such a huge stretch. 

In my own life it is hard to remember Spring sometimes.

Right now, I am being stripped to the nub.  The personal pruning is intense.  Let me say for the record, pruning is not comfortable! It seems that everything in my life is fair game and nothing is off limits.  Relationships, ideals, values, work ethic, persistance, personal discipline, self esteem and generally all I hold dear are being snipped at.  In church today, the Pastor spoke about praying for the things that we think are impossible.  I can immediately think of three so called "impossibilities" in my life.  They are:  my husband's full physical recovery, (more on that another time) my personal growth and the potential financial disaster that looms on the horizon. 

When God asked Solomon what he wanted and that God would give him whatever he asked, Solomon asked for a discerning heart to rule Israel.  God was so impressed with his answer so He not only gave Solomon wisdom but all the other things He didn't ask for: wealth, health, long life and a lasting legacy.  If God asked me the desire of my heart, I'm almost afraid of the pettiness of my answer.  I want all the things most people want: financial security and abundance, health, happiness, legacy and long life for me and my family.  As I peel back the layers of my answer, my real answer is there underneath it all. 

It whispers wistfully "I want to be like You."  

I know God hears the whispers of my heart underneath the shouts of the tyranny of the urgent.  I know even in Winter the promise of Spring is still there.  I know I will look up and suddenly see a brilliant rainbow.  I know God calls us to thank Him in advance of what He will do. I know true faith is the assurance of what is not seen. 

Even though the trees don't blossom,

Even though the fields are bare,  

Yet, I will rejoice and praise You, God of my salvation. 

("My Hope" by H.M. Lasky copyright 2002)

So, I surrender to the pruning and know I can unquestionably trust in the One wielding the shears.  I trust Him for life and in death, I trust Him with all I desire and hold dear. Even so, I struggle to submit and hold on to hope yet know with the certainty of Winter that Spring will come.

Come quickly.........

Friendship

I've been giving a lot of thought to what true friendship really means.  I went to Webster for a little help.  Some of the synonyms are: amity, benevolence, brotherhood, charity, cordiality, cordialness, fellowship, friendliness, goodwill, kindliness, neighborliness. The antonyms are: ill will, malevolence and venom.

It has been a bit shocking to this extrovert to realize while people in my life aren't neccessarily full of venom and malevolence they are certainly lacking in fellowship, friendliness, goodwill, cordiality and neighborliness.  So many people I thought were my friends are in actuality acquaintances.  Nothing more, nothing less.  So I am taking a hard look at who my true friends are and what kind of friend I am. 

I remember hearing Dr. Laura say on her radio show to some poor woman whining about her lack of friends, that she needed to focus on being a friend first.  What do you do when you are a friend but people do not return the cordiality, goodwill or fellowship? Now I know there is only so much energy and time to apportion out to various relationships in everyone's life, but what do you do when it's so often thrown back in your face?  I have to admit I'm tired of being a "B string" friend. 

I heard Darren Hardy, the editor of "Success" magazine speak recently.  He said of all the people who would consider going to your funeral, 50% would decide based on weather.  Of all the people who did come, only 6 would weep.  Mr. Hardy said in dealing with rejection or disappointment, he would allow himself a few minutes to sulk and then if they were not one of the 6, it didn't really matter and he would move on. 

In a heartbeat I can tell you who those six people are for me.   

Another part of the definition was, "a kindness or help given to someone".  In a time when kindness and help would mean so much to me, it is few and far between.  Why is kindness and help so scarce?  True friendship is a rare commodity indeed. Now the optimistic part of me starts singing somewhere inside, "you've got to ac-cen-tu-ate the positive, e-lim-inate the negative, hold on to the affirmitive, don't mess with Mr. Inbetween."  When you think of it, that's pretty sound advice.

At the end of the day, I resolve to embrace and be thankful for the many blessings God has given me, let go of the negative, forgive (it only hurts me!), accept people for who they are-not what I wish they were and leave mediocrity behind.  I know if I focus on those things I'll be a better friend and know who my true friends are.

I look forward to finding out and perhaps being surprised in the process.  

Bless Each Breath

I am finally doing what I didn't think I would.

I am blogging.

As I wracked my brains for a suitable title, something catchy, something clever, then suddenly it occured to me.  The perfect title that encompasses so much.  This is a place for me to breath, to be honest, to vent and express the moments that I am living in.

Bless Each Breath.  This is actually the title of a song I wrote.  The chorus is, "Bless each breath.  Bless each breath.  Bless each breath.  Bless the dance of this life."  This is part prayer, part desire and part conversation.  Oh God, bless me because I need so much and fall so short of everything I hope for.  I'm so tired of trying to be everything I'm supposed to be.  So, I'm giving it up, all up to You.  As Michael Card expresses in his book, "A Better Freedom", true freedom is in submission.  The things that we tend to look at as weakness are where true strength lies.  The things that I view as my worst faults - feeling things so deeply, taking things personally, crying easily -  are really my strengths.

Breath in. Breath out. Breath in. Breath out.....

Bless me.